The only road that makes sense for talking about this is the inside-to-outside road. The total disclosure in the service of total self abandonment road. This road describes the space *between* my ego and the hugeness that I see. In this space between, I can only see the world in terms of what I *cannot* do about it. The space between is full of events that are out of my control. I am watching:

Fantastic glimpses of Total Global Destruction!
Operatic histrionics!
Hyperbole!

And I am: Chicken Little!

So in the interest of starting on this road, I must disclose that I am tired of constantly overcoming years and years of trying so hard to take myself seriously. I was taught by old modernist men that if you make something heavy enough, you will be taken very seriously. I see that weight does not equal respect, but I must admit that I started this absurd lifestyle of heavy lifting because I wanted the respect they were selling.

I can release myself of that respect, that firm purchase on solid ground, that weight. And I can talk about what is out of my control, because I am not in this for respect anymore. I am in this for discovery.

...And to aggravate, not soothe, my deep fears about the world as we know it ending in our lifetime. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)